Everything Will Be OK If You Breathe
by x snow-pony x
Summary: Won't say anything as it'll spoil it, but this is designed to make you cry (as I wanted to see if I could write that kind of stuff), so it's sad. :'-(


**A/N I'll let the title and summary speak for themselves for now, and do a bigger A/N at the end. All I can say is hope you like my one-shot. :-)**

**This is set before Sam and Tom got engaged.**

One word: fear. That was all Sam was feeling now as she lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She had been deteriorating for weeks, no, _months_, now, and she was scared. Scared that tonight was the night she was going to go; scared that tonight was the night she was going to leave Tom.

Scared that tonight was the night she was going to die.

"Tom!" she croaked, her voice hoarse. "Tom!"

Tom ran into the room and knelt down by her side. "Hey. Did you have a nice sleep?"

Sam shook her head. "I never actually got to sleep."

"Did you pretend earlier then?" Tom asked.

Sam nodded.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because, because I think, I think it might be, might be, be tonight," Sam stuttered.

"Why?" he asked gently, taking her hand.

"I don't know," she admitted quietly. "I just, it seems like it will be. I have a feeling."

Tom took a deep breath, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Sam, I have some things to tell you."

"Me too," she said.

"Do you want to go first or should I?" asked Tom.

"You," said Sam.

"OK," said Tom. He took a deep breath before he began. "You're the first woman I met that I loved properly."

"Don't you dare," said Sam laughing slightly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"No, I'm being serious," said Tom. "I had loads of girlfriends before you, but I never actually loved any of them the way I love you."

"Why?" asked Sam.

Tom began to rub her hand gently in circles, watching it instead of looking at her face, not wanting to cry. "When I first saw you, I knew you were amazing," he began. "The way you just rushed around like a mad thing, arguing with everybody who got in your way, just trying to save anyone and everyone."

Sam smiled, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. "I remember when I wanted to go in the helicopter, and you offered me your place because you were too scared!" she laughed.

Tom smiled, looking at her. "Yeah, I remember that too."

Sam swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "Tom, you won't forget me, will you?"

Tom shook his head. "No, of course not," he said. "I'll never forget you, never ever."

Suddenly Sam lurched forward, coughing violently. Tom held her still as she coughed up blood and struggled to breathe.

"Breathe, Sam, OK?" said Tom, rubbing her back. "Just breathe."

* * *

><p><em>Five months earlier:<em>

_"Sam, I have your results," said the doctor, coming over to them._

_"What do they say?" asked Sam anxiously. "Please tell me I'm going to be alright!"_

_The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sam. You have cancer, and I'm afraid it's untreatable."_

_"Cancer?" Sam whispered._

_Suddenly, without warning, she sat up and began to gasp for air, her chest heaving._

_"Sam, it's OK, we'll get through this," said Tom, taking her into a hug. "I will make you happy right up until your last day."_

_Sam clung to him, her breath still coming in short gasps._

_"Breathe, Sam, OK?" said Tom, rubbing her back. "Just breathe."_

* * *

><p>After a few moments more the coughing fit subsided, and Tom gently lay her back on the bed.<p>

"I'll never forget you either," Sam said through tears that were making their way down her cheeks again. "Never, ever, ever."

Tom leant over and gently kissed her forehead. "I know."

"What else did you want to tell me?" asked Sam.

"Well, I wanted to ask you something," said Tom. "I won't forget you, I'm sure of that, but, if I want to at some point, would you be OK if I found someone else? I don't want to yet, but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable unless I knew you were OK with it."

Sam nodded. "Of course," she said. I wouldn't want you to not be able to have that because of me."

Tom smiled at her. "Thank you," he said. He paused for a moment. "Would you, mind me telling them, about you?"

Sam shook her head. "No, of course not," she said. "As long as it was nice things."

"I'd never say horrible things about you," said Tom.

Sam smiled weakly. "Is that all?"

Tom nodded.

"OK," said Sam. She took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

Tom looked at her, concerned. "How long have you been scared?"

"A few weeks," Sam admitted.

"Sam, why didn't you say something?" asked Tom. "You know I'm always here for you."

"Because I'm putting enough stress on you already and it's not fair!" Sam said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Tom scooped her into his arms and held her close as she began to sob. "Sam, I don't care about any of that, OK? All I care about, all I've ever cared about since I met you, is you."

"Tom, don't do this, please," Sam pleaded.

"I'm going to whether you like it or not because I need to tell you how I feel," said Tom. "You are my rock, my friend, my lover, and my life, and to think that after tonight I may never see you again..."

"I know," Sam whispered, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to leave you either."

Tom continued to hug her. "Have you ever been scared of death before? Like when you were in the army?"

Sam shook her head. "No, because I had no one to live for, and even when I married Dylan he didn't really care about me, so death didn't scare me."

"What about your family?" Tom asked.

Sam felt more tears come to her eyes. "My mum died when I was eight," she explained, "and my dad abused me. I didn't mind dying because I would have been with Mum."

"Sam, you never..." began Tom.

"I'm telling you now," she said sternly. "But this time, it's different. I've got you, and I don't want to leave you!"

As she said that her breathing increased, and she sat back from Tom slightly, clutching her throat.

"Breathe, Sam, OK?" said Tom, taking her back into a hug and rubbing her back slightly. "Just breathe."

* * *

><p><em>Sam shook her head, still clinging tightly to him. "I... ... can't... ..."<em>

_Tom looked worriedly at her. "Doctor, could I have some oxygen please?"_

_The doctor got an oxygen mask and gently slipped it onto Sam's face._

_Sam's breathing immediately slowed slightly. "Thanks..."_

_"Sam, try and take some deep breaths, OK?" said Tom, still holding her close._

_Sam tried, and after a few attempts her breathing began to slow. After a few moments it was back to normal._

_"Sam, have you ever had a panic attack before?" asked Tom._

_Sam nodded._

_"When?" asked Tom._

_"I used to have them all the time when I was little," said Sam._

_"What triggered them?" asked Tom._

_"I don't know, I think I was just an anxious child," Sam lied._

_"Well, I think this one was brought on by fear, stress and shock," said the doctor. "Do you feel OK now?"_

_Sam nodded, looking at Tom, her eyes pleading, saying no, she wasn't OK. Tom nodded and stroked her cheek, showing he'd understood._

_"Good," he said. He then turned to the doctor. "Can we go?"_

_"Yes, although you'll need to book an appointment in a couple of weeks' time to see how it's progressing," said the doctor._

_Sam went to get up, but Tom lifted her off the bed._

_"Use me," he whispered into her ear. "Talk to me when we get home."_

_Sam nodded, clinging to him._

_"Thanks for everything," Sam told the doctor._

_"You're welcome," said the doctor. "I'm just sorry I couldn't have done more."_

_Tom smiled weakly, before he left the hospital, Sam still in his arms._

* * *

><p>Sam tried, but couldn't. "I... ... can't... ..."<p>

"Sam, please!" said Tom, holding her still. "I'm not losing you now, not like this!"

"I'll... ... have... ... to... ... go... ... at... ... some... ... point... ..." Sam pointed out, her breathing still rapid.

"Please, Sam, not now!" Tom pleaded. "Just breathe!"

"I... ... can't... ...!" shouted Sam.

"Sam, look at me," said Tom.

Sam looked at him.

"Slow your breathing down," said Tom calmly. "Everything will be OK, if you breathe."

At his words Sam's breathing sped up more, and she clung to him.

"Sam, what's wrong?" asked Tom. Suddenly he realised what he'd said. "Oh God."

"I... ... won't... ... be... ..." Sam trailed off as she struggled to say the words.

"You won't be breathing for much longer," Tom finished quietly. "Sam, we need to keep busy."

She nodded. "Can... ... I... ... choose... ... how... ... I... ... die... ...?"

Tom nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Sam's breathing suddenly slowed down. "Can... I..."

"Die in my arms?" asked Tom gently.

Sam nodded, her breathing returning to normal. "How did you know?"

"Because I've seen how relaxed you go when I hug you," said Tom. "You just..."

"Feel safe and secure, like nothing could hurt me," interrupted Sam. "Listen to the beating of your heart, proving you're still alive. Know that you'll always look after me, no matter what.

Tom smiled. "Do I really make you that happy?"

Sam nodded. "Yes."

Tom smiled, before looking at her again, concerned. "What do you want me to do for you?"

Sam thought for a moment. "Let's enjoy ourselves."

"How?" asked Tom.

"Chase each other round the flat?" suggested Sam. "Pillow fight? MMA?"

"Sam, you're not strong enough to do that," said Tom.

"I am," said Sam. She got up and tapped Tom on the shoulder. "Caught you!"

She then began to walk off, slowly and painfully.

Tom wanted to stop her, but knew it'd make her unhappy. He decided to follow her at the same pace so she didn't feel like she couldn't do anything. After a few moments he darted forwards and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Caught you!" he said. He then began to walk off.

Sam followed him a few steps, then suddenly bent over. She then began to retch.

"Sam!" yelled Tom, running over. He held her, and, as her knees buckled, gently lowered her to the floor. She continued to retch and began throwing up blood.

"Tom, I'm so sorry," said Sam as the blood went onto the pale cream carpet.

"Hey, I don't care about that," said Tom. "It'll wash off. I only care about you at the moment."

Sam nodded, resting her head against him. Suddenly she retched again, blood going all over Tom.

"Sam, I don't mind; I'll change," said Tom before she could apologise.

Sam continued to retch, and Tom held her.

"I think, I think I'm going, going to go soon," said Sam, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's alright," said Tom. "Do you want me to carry you to the bedroom, then I can get changed, and then we can cuddle up on the bed, yeah?"

Sam nodded, and Tom gently scooped her up, carrying her to the bedroom and laying her on the bed.

"You OK?" asked Tom.

Sam merely nodded, clearly getting weaker.

Tom quickly got changed, and then lay on the bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She snuggled her head into his chest.

"This is perfect," she smiled, her voice hoarse. "More perfect than I could have ever imagined."

Tom smiled, tears running freely down his cheeks. "I want to be perfect for you: you deserve it."

Sam smiled as well, tears running freely down her own cheeks. "Do I?"

"Yes, Sam," said Tom, gently placing a kiss on her forehead. "You do."

Just then, Tom felt Sam's heartbeat beginning to weaken and slow, like the ticking of a clock as it ran out of battery.

"Sam, are you OK?" he asked.

Sam nodded weakly. "Just keep holding me," she said. "Don't let go until the end."

"Do you think it's near?" asked Tom, praying with all his might it wasn't.

Sam nodded slowly. "Yes," she whispered. "I think it's near."

As she finished the sentence she began to wheeze, struggling to get oxygen into her lungs.

"No, Sam, please!" said Tom, gripping her tighter. "Please don't..."

"I have to," wheezed Sam, struggling to form the words. "I'll never forget you, Tom, and remember that I love you, and I always will."

Tom couldn't stop the tears. "I love you too," he said. "I'll never forget you either."

Sam took his hand and squeezed it, and Tom squeezed it back.

"Sam, if you can't hold on any longer, don't," said Tom. "It's OK to let go now."

Sam continued to hold his hand, but loosened it slightly. "I love you."

"I love you too," said Tom.

Sam inhaled one last time, before breathing out the breath almost silently. Then she was still.

Tom continued to hold her hand, knowing it wouldn't bring her back, but hoping that somehow, by holding her hand, he would get the message up to her that he would never let go: she would always be in his heart.

"I love you," he whispered, "and I'll never forget you."

And in his heart, he was sure, Sam was saying the same thing back.

**A/N So, now you've read it, I can explain why I wrote it. I wanted to write a FanFic that would make people cry, as I've read a few that make me cry and I love them, even though they're so sad. There are only actually two that make me cry though: '12:01' by Evie1989, and 'Shooting Stars'/ 'When the angel must leave' by Sparkles and Rainbows. (If you haven't read them, do, they're great.) Both of them are about cancer, so I thought I'd do one the same, see if I made people cry as well, and hopefully I will! (I was crying loads when I wrote this last night and my pillow got soaked from all of the tears!) Please R&R if you have time as well. :-) **


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